We have always been mindful of what we watch, both individually and together. We can both handle strong language, but in the past year or so I’ve grown sensitive to violence and emotional stories. A few years ago, we were watching a very violent and emotionally tricky show. I would find myself going to bed angry or sad and I wasn’t really myself. Finally, after one episode, Myke looked at me and said that we couldn’t watch this anymore. I had expressed how I was feeling before and we cut back on watching it but kept coming back because it was a good show. We finally cut it out and within a day we were back to our normal self. Now that we have two little ones, we are extremely sensitive about what we watch. Our general rule of thumb is nothing extremely violent and no horror and if we are feeling icky at any point, we speak up and turn it off. That is the key!
Myke and I love TV shows. When we started dating, our go-to date was a meal and an episode of a show. It was our way of bonding, especially since when we would watch shows or movies, we would talk while the show was on and when the show was over. Depending on what we were watching, we would talk about what we watched and share our thoughts. It really brought us together as a couple.
Here is my list of shows that I watch. Sometimes Myke will watch an episode or two.
- When Calls the Heart
- The Great British Baking Show (seasons 1-4 only, when it wasn’t produced by Netflix)
- The Mindy Project
- Spring Baking Championship (or any seasonal baking show)
- Rizzoli and Isles
If you know me, you know I love Science Fiction and Fantasy books, movies, and TV shows. I have read about 90% of the many, many Star Wars Novels, spent a good chunk of my life (and paychecks) collecting comic books both physically and digitally. But, what you probably don’t know is that I am super picky when it comes to what Sci-Fi I like. For me, there is a vast spectrum of factors I consider when I’m looking for something to watch in the Sci-Fi world, or in general. Often times, the thing I like about one show will be the thing that causes me to turn off another show. I’m a bit of a finicky fan.
You would think that with my love for the time-traveling, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, who blunder their way through timeline calamity after timeline calamity. And my appreciation for characters that are always the smartest in the room and able to whip up scientific inventions on the fly like in The Flash. This would lead to a natural appreciation for Dr. Who.
You would be wrong.
I just can’t get into it for more than an episode at a time. For me, that is the key, after the episode is done. “Do I want to watch another episode right now?” If the answer is no, it’s not for me.
On the other side of the spectrum, I have a deep love for nature documentaries. I am obsessed with them. To my increasing delight, Netflix has been adding many BBC nature documentary series and movies that I haven’t seen yet!
My current shows that are “my shows” are:
- The Man in the High Castle (Slowly working through the second season)
- Life on Location (A behind the scenes series on the Life nature documentary series)
- Arrow (Still getting caught up)
- Battlefish (A Netflix version of Deadliest Catch but for Tuna)
Early on in our marriage, we learned that we liked watching TV and movies together, but also that we sometimes have very different tastes. This can lead to one spouse sitting and looking at their phone, bored. This isn’t great and can lead to distance in a relationship, which is the opposite of what we were trying to do. It can also lead to that awkward moment of one person watching ahead while they were waiting for the other to get home from work or running errands.
So we started using the philosophy of Her Shows, His Shows, and Our Shows. This philosophy boils down to giving your spouse the freedom to watch some things on their own because your interests aren’t always going to overlap. Then, when you’re together, find shows that you can both love an enjoy.
Here are some shows we consider Our Shows:
- Songland (Literally the BEST thing on TV. So sad the season is over, but can’t wait for season 2!)
- The Resident (High soapy medical drama with fantastic acting, with some excellent cast additions in the second season, Malcolm Jamal Warner & Jane Leeves.)
- American Ninja Warrior (One of the few things OJ is interested in watching that isn’t Marry Poppins Returns)
- Master Chef (We love this show and Gordon Ramsey, we even got engaged at his West Hollywood restaurant)
- Hyperdrive (It’s a drift racing, obstacle course show, that was surprisingly interesting!)
- Blown Away (It’s a Glass Blowing and sculpting competition)
This principle of Her Shows, His Shows, Our Shows has broader applications for married life.
Your spouse can’t, and shouldn’t, fulfill all of your needs as a person. Your marriage is the most important aspect of your life, but it’s not healthy to tie every aspect of your personality and interests to that person.
Yes, you need to have things that you share together. It’s probably what brought you together in the first place, but it’s ok and necessary to have interests other than what you’re both into. You could call it, Her Hobbies, His Hobbies, Our Hobbies.
I love recording music and playing my guitar, and Allison loves to bake. Those are things that we often do separately, some times at the same time, just in different rooms. And that’s OK.
One thing to look out for is if your personal interests are overtaking or taking the place of your mutual connections. If this happens, make room for things you can do together.
Do you have a version of Her Shows, His Shows, Our Shows? Let us know down in the comments!
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